I don’t understand bc I’ve only thrown up twice since Sunday. I still feel queasy, but I’m keeping food down better, and my appetite has improved. I should at least be holding the same weight, not losing it. I go to the dr in two days, so we’ll see what he says about it. About 80% of what I eat is fruit and vegetables, maybe that’s why? But it’s what I want and what does best with my belly right now, so it’s what I eat. I figure my body is starved for the nutrients.
Anyway, here’s a rambling update for those of you wondering.
I bought a car seat today. I don’t know if you can see the price tag, but it was an $80 car seat that I got on clearance for $40. I’m more excited than I probably should be over this.
We do it bc we have three little girls in the house and it’s what they call us. We don’t even think about it when we do it. I love it about us. I think it’s sweet.
My grandma and grandpa raised three boys and they called each other Momma and Dad up until she died 9 years ago. He’s 75 years old, and when he talks about her she’s still Momma. It’s beautiful. I bet it will be that way for us.
Sometimes you just give up and fall asleep.
6:30-9:00 am: there’s no fucking way I can eat omg their breakfast smells disgusting how the hell do lucky charms smell so gross.
10:30: well I feel better now so maybe I’ll have a little bowl of soup or some cantaloupe or something.
10:32: this was a terrible idea
10:33: barf
11:00: time for First Nap! whether I want one or not! body shuts down and I fall asleep wherever I am doing whatever I was doing. I do NOT drive @ 11.
anytime between 12:00 and 2:00 pm: WAKE UP YOU HAVE TO PEE BITCH YOU WILL NEVER MAKE IT RUN FOR GOD’S SAKE
4:30: time for Second Nap! sometimes I can fight off Second Nap, bc…
5:00: hungry kids want supper cooked. time to wake up from Second Nap. Cook something that sounds disgusting, bc everything sounds disgusting.
5:30-6:00: dinner time. hey, this isn’t as bad as I thought. It’s actually pretty good. I will eat dinner tonight YAY!
exactly 10 minutes after dinner: barf
20 minutes after dinner: barf again
30 minutes after dinner: I now live in the bathroom floor bc it is cool on my face and next to my bff the toilet
8:30: Realize that I fell asleep on the couch (Third Nap?) and get up to see kids off to bed.
As soon as my 4 yr old is down for the night I go to bed. I will get up 27 times during the night to pee.
Not planned at all. I’m coming to terms with it. My husband is freaked out but really happy. I’ve cried a lot today. Also, the only person we’ve told is my mom, and she’s sworn to secrecy until I make it to my second trimester. I’ll be ok with this once I wrap my head around it. We maybe wanted this, just not yet. But….
I mean, we already have three, and we are pretty great parents. I don’t think four will be that much of an adjustment.
I want another girl, btw.
And don’t think this means my posts are going to be all chaste now. If anything I’ll be more horny bc of the hormones.
Wow.
| — | my husband (on the phone just now), who knows how to do it the way I like |
We never get a chance to go do anything, so this was a big deal. I got all dressed up. I look pretty damn hot actually, and we went to have dinner, which was great. But then I got sick, bc god knows what is wrong with my stomach. So I was crying bc I’ve ruined our first night out in five months and bc I’m so tired (literally) of being sick. I’ve lost 14 pounds so far from this. My beautiful husband held me until I calmed down, and now has took us back into town to rent some movies so we can cuddle on the couch instead. I love him so much.
So I’ve had some kind of stomach bug for a week now. Anytime I eat anything it kills me and causes all kinds of gross stuff to happen. So I’ve stopped eating. I have probably about 3/4 cup worth of food at night so I can eat dinner with my family. I’ve done this for 7 days now and I’ve lost 7 pounds. I’m not trying to lose weight, really, I’m just trying to not be in a huge amount of pain all day.
My problem is that I had eating disorders when I was younger. I’m talking like 15 years ago. But as I’m starving myself to keep from getting sick, I’m afraid that I’m starting to… I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like putting on a pair of worn-in pants. They are comfortable, even if they aren’t the best thing in my closet. It’s like I’m enjoying the empty feeling I have. If you ever had an eating disorder than maybe you know what I mean.
And it’s not the first time this has happened. For example, I did this when I got divorced. I can’t eat or keep food down when my life gets especially shitty, and I was the smallest I’d been in my entire life the year I left my abusive exhusband. When things got better, I still didn’t eat bc I just didn’t want to. It’s fucked up, bc it’s like it happens by accident. I become obsessed with not eating. I don’t even think I’m fat. I’m a bigger girl, sure, but I think I look nice. Anyways, I’m basically just venting here. Thanks for listening.
Me: When I spread my legs, light pours forth, and a heavenly host takes up song.
Husband: I always thought when you open your legs that was David Bowie singing…
Me: Same thing.
Ok, first let me say here that all you really need for this soup is water, a little milk, a few potaoes, and some salt and pepper. If you are absolutely broke and can’t afford anything else, then this will put a hot, nourishing soup on the table. I’ve made it this way, and it is still delicious. If this is what you have to do, then just omit all the other things. Second, y’all should know that I don’t use an actual recipe, but I use whatever I happen to have on hand. Feel free to change things up for your own tastes. I’m going to write this down how I’m making it tonight. Third, I cook to feed a family of five with enough leftovers for another night or two. You can scale it down smaller for yourself, or you can make a pot as big as mine and freeze extras for another time.
You need:
Wash and peel your potatoes, then cut them into large cubes. Cover them with water in a pot and bring them to a gentle boil. Let them cook about halfway, about 7-10 minutes, then add your other veggies if you have them. Cook an extra 10 minutes or so. You want the potatoes to be very done. Take one out and see if you can cut it in half easily with a spoon. If you can then it’s done.
Pour off a little less than half of the water. Add your milk. If you can add extra milk then you can pour off more of the water. Use a potato masher or a fork and mash about half of the potatoes in the pot. Be sure that you are leaving plenty of potato chunks! All you are trying to do is thicken the soup with the potatoes you are mashing. Put the soup on medium heat and add your cheese if you’re using any, and season to taste. Stir the soup until the cheese is all melted. I serve this with crackers or yeast rolls.
I hope you like my soup! My kids eat this like starving maniacs. It’s a favorite at my house :)
Bc our weather is on crack.
I spent the morning making Yo Gabba Gabba paper dolls for my three yr old.
My five yr old: Why do people have a neck?
My nine yr old: So you’re not just a floating head.
